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HOW TO ‘KILL’ A GOSSIPER by Malu E. Gacuma, May 15, 2017 (9:36 p.m.)

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Philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius forewarned us all about the different kinds of negative people we would meet in our daily lives.Of all such pitiful souls that he cited e.g. meddlers ,hypocrites, ingrates and the arrogant, I have known some and can deal with them by simply forgiving them and not minding their wayward streaks.

But the only kind I can never cope with nor understand is the GOSSIP-MONGERER who is ,most often than not, also a pathological liar!🤥
Gossiping , I believe, is a sign of insecurity,of low self-esteem, of cowardice, of malicious intent and lack of self-respect.

A gossiper’s only intention is to murder someone else’s character and reputation, then make this a footstool to raise his or her own ego. It is banging cymbals signifying nothing but an illusion.Or worse,perhaps delusion.😈

A gossip always travels faster than the speed of sound.Why? Because once a gossip is cast, it always seems so juicy to the next recipient that it mutates to a more monstrous appearance immediately,even long before the next gossiper opens his or her mouth!😶

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gossip

(Credits to owner/Norman Rockwell,artist)

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Reality dictates, that after the gossip dies down a natural death, the unrepentant gossiper remains cocooned in his or her make-believe world. 🙃

It takes strength of character , a firm resolve and a straightforward attitude to repel gossips. The buck must stop right with YOU! Once there’s an attempt to pass on a gossip to you, it helps not to tell someone else about it, right? Right.😷

However, it would be best once you stop the gossiper right on the tracks BY REFUSING TO LISTEN. You must, to prove that, unlike the gossiper, you have respect, both for your self and for others. Then come out of the situation guilt-free and able to withstand the temptation to lower your moral standard.😇

You have a right to say ‘No!’

That’s the simplest and most effective way to ‘kill’ a gossiper ! 😀

Now, pass it on! 🙂

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(‘Gossip in the Monastery,by Eduard von Grutzner, 1887)

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‘OUR NATION IS GRIEVING’ by Malu E. Gacuma , May 4, 2017 (12:10 pm ,Thursday)

This country we love so much is now grieving.

By not confirming yesterday the staunch environmentalist,  Ms. Gina Lopez , as DENR Secretary, the public servants comprising the Commission on Appointments give more importance to their personal agenda and the vested interest of mining firms in the guise of technicalities and legalities. They disregarded the more important aspects of the ecological hazards now endangering our lives as we near the tipping point.

Super Typhoon Haiyan Aftermath

Scene of devastation after the unprecedented ‘super storm ‘ Yolanda that hit Tacloban in Leyte. (credits to photo owner)

Our nation that we love so much is now grieving,

For the humiliation of our women , our struggling and defenseless single , female parents who are perceived as just being ‘knocked up’, seemingly just like those female dogs on the streets. That’s the debasing perception of a Senator who speaks in haughtiness as he prides himself with all the power and authority vested upon him by the people he is supposed to serve with humility, integrity and utmost respect.

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(photo: abs-cbn news /online)

We are not watching the slow death of our national values being corrupted not only by external influences thru social media, but by errant leaders who are devoid of good breeding and manners

We are now witnessing the victory of corruption, greed, apathy, selfishness and deceit..

While we stand in silence , or choose to stay at the backseat, or sit on the fence, we leave our next generation- our children– to confusion.,

There they are, watching us muted in a corner. What do we do next? How do we fight for our right to live decently? How do we save our environment from abuses?

Why are we standing in silence? Are we helpless lambs being discreetly dragged to the slaughterhouse, in subservience, with our consent?

Are we trying to repeat our nation’s history of being lorded over by the corrupt and the abusive?

Our ancestors shed their blood to save our country and bestowed us our freedom . They were and are heroes !

How should our children consider us then? Should we just keep our silence and as the dawn breaks tomorrow, forget these all happened today?

Then, this nation we love has a good  reason for grieving!

candle 2

(photo by Malu E.Gacuma, 2016)

 

 

‘Lum-Lum-Poy’ Mystery – by Malu E. Gacuma (April 25,2017 @ 10:20 pm)

Speaking English at home was a cardinal rule stemming from my paternal grandfather who wanted to mark it as his legacy to our clan.

Not only the house helpers were caught in this rule. Even his own party guests became obliged to speak English, especially  when we, children, were around.

One such guest was a close friend of my grandmother . Lady M. was  a lumber yard owner whose rags-to-riches story was locally known.And she talked highly of herself,too! ☺️

During Lolo’s birthday party, Lady M. enjoyed her bragging rights to the fullest, in broken English. When it was time for her to go home, she asked my grandmother to let her take home some of the dishes she loved! She would always remind my grandmother or my Uncles or Dad to have the food wrapped with what she insistingly called   as ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’.

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Some of those parties held at the house of my paternal grandfather in Fabrica, Sagay City,Negros Occidental.Philippines.  Lady M.’s husband was  among the gentlemen  at the top photo.

When party ended, she went to the kitchen and asked for her ‘food-to-go‘. So, my Lola gave her some in plastic containers. She protested and wanted these in ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’ again!

My Dad intervened and asked Lady M. to point at what she meant.🤔

Lady M. scoffed at my Dad ,and with a curt remark she said:
“Ay, Doctor ka, you do not know ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’?

She pointed at the kitchen pantry, at the shimmering,silver thing marked ‘Reynolds Wrap’!

Lady M. meant ‘Aluminum Foil’ !.

The ‘Lum-Lum-Poy Mystery’ was finally solved!

aluminum foil

A Reynold’s Wrap aluminum foil  (Credits to photo owner).

‘Breeding Ladies Among Women’ by Malu E. Gacuma (April 8,2017, Saturday )

 

☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸

Recently, in our family conversations, choice of words do matter if we want to prove to our children what we mean by what we do.

Like, last night, I found one of my daughters’ Facebook photos, showing her sticking out her tongue, which seems to be a ‘normal practice‘ in social media nowadays.

I politely asked her to take her photo down,explaining to her that it is ‘unladylike‘ at the subtle side. And ‘sensual” in the eyes of some men at the extreme side. She deleted it immediately.

As she discussed it with her two sisters,they asked me why I am so vigilant. I smiled and told them:

ME: “I’m trying my best, as your mother, to raise you all as LADIES and not only as young women.”

“What separates the two? “, they asked, as if in a chorus.

ME: “Simple. A lady has manners, ethics and etiquettes. You call that ‘breeding’. “

They fell silent, as if contemplating. Then, they slowly nodded. 🙂

Case closed.

 

church fam feb 12 2017

My daughters (L-R) : Christienne Marie, Christiana Claudia and Christa Lou

☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸••°°*”˜˜”*°°••☸

(NOTE: Originally posted on my main Facebook account, 4.8.2017 @ 10pm)

“PORTRAIT OF A WOMAN AS A MOTHER”

by Malu E. Gacuma

May 11,2013 Saturday (10am)

(A tribute to my Mommy,  the late ANITA ESCAMOS GACUMA)

She was born in 1935 , in a family considered quite privileged during the pre-World War 2 days,  her father being a bemedalled national athlete and a  U.S. Army Major.

Thus, self-discipline was their daily rule as manifested in their household policies and regimen: all must be around the table on scheduled mealtimes, attendance to daily prayers had to be complied, all five siblings must be home on their given  curfew time, a daughter can go out on a date only with a chaperone, each daughter had an assigned chore that must be done before lunchtime, privacy and proprietorship of personal items must be respected including diaries and mails, every nook and corner of their house must be neat and organized before their Father comes home, and the list goes on.

It was a second household law for them to be resourceful and creative. To ask for something wanted ,not needed, meant to earn it and deserve it.Otherwise, she and her sisters had to make the most of what they had during those times when they were growing  up in  the economic remnants  of the 2nd World War.It was how they were trained to help their father who was always assigned elsewhere to serve our country thru the U.S Army.

At a tender age from 7  up to 9 years old, she learned to help her mother sell homemade “maruya” ( a banana delicacy) and ” tapioca“,among other food items by a railroad track in Fort Mckinley , Rizal ,where a train filled with soldiers and locals pass by everyday.What she earned, she would keep in her piggy bank,to use for her school needs  when War would be over.

Pre-War photo Escamos family.jpg

A pre-World War 2 photo of my late mother with her mother and sisters.(L-R) my mother , Anita,aged between 3-4 yrs.old; the late Teresita or `Tita Tesing’,Quezon City-based  Emerita or `Ninang` as we call her, and their eldest sister,now US-based Leonida or `Auntie Leonie`

She always told me and my own siblings about how Filipinos starved  and died of hunger and  of  diseases  and malnutrition  during Japanese Occupation  of our country in WW2.

While her three older sisters were among those  youth enlisted by the Japanese troops  to work under ‘forced labor’  in a nearby camp during  daytime , my  mother  was spared by her young age, and stayed at home with her youngest sister to help my grandmother.

They hardly cooked every  ‘small can of rice’ her older sisters earned each day. Instead, they kept it for the worst times, and for their Father’s homecoming. Their daily meals were vegetables and beans. Fruits, fish or meat were scarce. Their daily ration of U.S. corned beef,sausages, flour,butter and milk temporarily stopped at the height of the War.

This was, according to my  mother, how she learned to “ extend the life” of each meal to suffice for every family member . Her  eventual culinary expertise,including her impressive German pot Roast , potato salad  and meat dishes,  stemmed from such trying moments.

Their darkest times as a family  happened when her father was imprisoned  and tortured and among those 80,000 soldiers who were forced by the Japanese  to join the infamous Bataan Death March in 1942.

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My late maternal grandfather,U.S. Army   Major Juan ‘Johnnie’ Tambanillo EScamos

But her family’s  deeply-religious faith, with their resourcefulness  and ” a lot of common sense” , helped them survive. She told me how they never experienced looking shabby despite the poverty brought by the War.

On late nights,they painstakingly shredded her father’s old Army socks, and used the shreds as thread to sew and make their dresses from the yards of cloth that  a  love-struck , young and  good-natured Japanese officer kept giving her older and teenage  sister as a gift each time he visited their house. He left for Japan as their troops retreated, leaving a Japanese-English translation book to my Mommy as token of their friendship. My mother said it was the kind heart of that officer that prevented her from hating all Japanese.

I vividly remember her telling me, with a smile,how she –at age 9–loved to write and read despite the absence of any pencil, paper or books which the  Japanese troops confiscated from schools they had raided. My mother and her young friends used fresh “gabi” and  banana leaves and  sticks or twigs   for writing. They played games about their past lessons to keep these in their memory,at least until war would be over.

This was the experience that has drawn out  her artistic nature which she eventually formalized with a Fine Arts Major from  the University of Santo Tomas, alongside her AB Philosophy degree, which she both finished with Honors.

Students were forcibly made to learn Japanese subjects, including Nihonggo which my mother hated. She said she made sure to bite her tongue and refused to open her lips whenever they were made to sing a Japanese song.

She was too young to realize her own patriotism” burning in her soul,”as she said.

mommy reading

Mommy,then newly-married,in a stolen  shot taken by  Dad. (early 1960s,Fabrica)

Her suppressed nationalistic inclination was eventually expressed in her piano-playing and her passion to write.

She nurtured her  passion for reading (which became our  family habit,especially on lazy afternoons, or after dinner or before sleeping) and perhaps, a ‘certain degree of addiction’ to English crosswords. Never a day passed without her doing the crossword at any given time.

My grandfather escaped the Death March and made it back to his family. But my mother’s eldest brother, Uncle Eli , died from the  Japanese soldiers’ bullets buried on his chest, for covering his friend, another Filipino soldier-officer, who survived.

This was another bitter life experience that made my mother decide to be a doctor. She eventually finished her second degree, in Dentistry, at the University of the East, as a University  scholar and  was among the Top 3 in the  Dean’s List.

It was in U.E.  when she met my father, Dr.Oscar D. Gacuma, her first and only boyfriend whom she eventually married in 1958.She turned  her back on a promising profession as a Dentist and declined an offer from the International Red Cross abroad, to devote her time as a mother  and wife.

escamos clan 2

My mother (extreme right) and her sibings with their parents,U.S.Army Major Juan Tambanillo Escamos and Mrs.Elvira  Alonso Escamos.Her sisters were (L-R) Isabel, Emerita Teresita and Leonida.

In a home managed by her highly-conservative mother, she grew up accustomed to the so-called “old school of thought” where it was a household law to maintain modesty in words and actions ,whether in private or public.These were “household laws” handed down to my own generation and even to the next  (among my 3 girls now).

My mother gently reproached us, as kids, with the Elton Camp poem ,saying  “Elbows on the  table were a crime…and not permitted at any time.” This line evolved as we grew up to a simple reminder of “ Elbows off the table, please.”

As a mother, she had a keen eye on propriety, ethics, etiquettes and manners. It was not in a puritan or obliging manner.It was more of her own way of packaging self-respect and present it to the eye of society.

Manong Oggie and his yaya Puping

Yaya Puping with my late older brother. manong Oggie

She and my father also imposed the  use of English as ”mother tongue” in the household , not even our  then-unschooled nanny named, Puping, could escape! The imperfections in Puping’s grammar and her daily conversations with my Mom and Dad are now among favorite household anecdotes.

However, it was my mother who patiently taught Puping how to read and write, until our nanny finished a basic culinary crash-course that changed her life, when she finally had a family of her own, which Puping raised single-handedly thru  her small baking business in the latter years.

Memories about my mother will always lie deeply buried in my heart and mind. She will always remain a revered person, quiet and shy as she was.

To write about her silent achievements is a tribute to her not of words, but of love. Mommy and I  may had bonded, argued, cried, laughed,shared Crosswords, whispered secrets to each other and shared most chores and decisions in life , but her conservative Tagalog nature of not being physically expressive, unlike my Dad , made us feel subservient to her and got used to it.

Her hugs were rare but meaningful.To us children, it was like a Grand Prize for something good we did.She would always kiss us but  only on our foreheads. I grew up always having that arm’s-length feeling about wanting to embrace her everytime i wanted to, without the funny feeling of like stepping intrusively into someone’s sacred ground. I surmised it must be deep respect for her as a person that gave me that feeling.

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Mommy at about 42 yrs. old, 1977

As a budding teenager, I would not have learned how to deal with the growing pains hadn’t she  guided me with her letters and wise counsel, with never-ending emphasis on strength of character and reverence for God. One would never get tired of repeatedly reading her letters also because of her beautiful,disciplined handwriting that were, most often than  not, devoid of mistakes.

A man can only go as far as a woman would allow him’” Never make the first move if you like a man. A sincere man will always find a way to let you know once he likes you back.”…..“Never let the sun set on a quarrel”…. “A mother’s prayer is the sweetest music to God’s listening ears.”

These, i suppose, were her wisest counsel to me along the years. She loved to quote  poets, philosophers, icons and the Holy Bible in her advice.Before she passed away  last June of 2007, our last meeting was the culmination of all that I wanted to know and feel.She was seated on her wheelchair, which bound her for almost 2 years due to diabetes complications.

I was kneeling in front of her, cutting her toenails, when she suddenly embraced me so tight and with tears streaming down her face, she kept repeating how much she loved me and trusted me so much!

There we were,both crying as I vowed to her that I would live up to what she raised me for.

For the first time, I heard her ask for forgiveness,for her shortcomings as a mother and as a person and I asked her the same. She entrusted to me all that she valued, which I took as a gesture of the trust she professed. It was a beautiful moment  which I will always treasure beyond any biological connection I have with her.

Few days later,my mother fell into coma and passed away.Only her beautiful memory will now remain.

I love you so much,Mommy. I am always proud to be your daughter.