“PORTRAIT OF A WOMAN AS A MOTHER”

The Diarist

by Malu E. Gacuma

May 11,2013 Saturday (10am)

(A tribute to my Mommy,  the late ANITA ESCAMOS GACUMA)

She was born in 1935 , in a family considered quite privileged during the pre-World War 2 days,  her father being a bemedalled national athlete and a  U.S. Army Major.

Thus, self-discipline was their daily rule as manifested in their household policies and regimen: all must be around the table on scheduled mealtimes, attendance to daily prayers had to be complied, all five siblings must be home on their given  curfew time, a daughter can go out on a date only with a chaperone, each daughter had an assigned chore that must be done before lunchtime, privacy and proprietorship of personal items must be respected including diaries and mails, every nook and corner of their house must be neat and organized before their Father comes home, and the list goes on.

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‘THE FAMILY THAT LAUGHS TOGETHER…’ by Malu E. Gacuma, May 12, 2017 ( Friday, 11:58 am)

Sometimes, our family conversations can abruptly shift from sensible to insensible or vice-versa, depending on everyone’s mood ,which usually borders to the crazy mode! But it always leaves me dumbfounded with my kids’ surprising lines! Consider these instances:

*(When I suddenly received little surprises from my 3 girls as they arrived home)*

ME: (happily) “Where do you get money to buy all these?
ANGEL (Christienne) : (naughtily) ” Don’t worry,Ma! No matter what happens, our kidneys will always be intact!” (*winks*)   (laughter)
———————@——————

*(Last night, while overhearing Chickie’s song playlist, mostly R&B , all of which are totally unfamiliar to me -both the songs and the artist/s, my curiosity heightened what made her so inclined to such genre)*

ME: ( giving Chickie a quizzical look) ” How do you ever find them? Why do you like those kinds of songs?”
Before she could answer, Claudia butted in:
CLAY: “Ma,don’t worry! Manang Chickie is a girl who is attuned to her own century.”
———————@——————
*(One morning, we overheard Chickie, who is petite with her 5 ft. height, sigh in relief, as she hung some washed clothes on the clothesline at our front yard.)*

ME: (teasingly) “Finally! You reached it! That’s a sign of progress!”
CHICKIE: (replies jubilantly, raises eyebrows) “ Well,that’s easy,Ma! If I can reach my dreams, how much more that simple clothesline? ”

 

See?
To think I just taught these girls their ABCs!!

 

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My daughters Christa Lou ( Chickie), Christienne Marie ( Angel) and Christiana Claudia (Clay) Gacuma Gancayco

 

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(Note: Originally posted on my Facebook wall, 11:58 am May 12,2017 ,Friday)

‘OUR NATION IS GRIEVING’ by Malu E. Gacuma , May 4, 2017 (12:10 pm ,Thursday)

This country we love so much is now grieving.

By not confirming yesterday the staunch environmentalist,  Ms. Gina Lopez , as DENR Secretary, the public servants comprising the Commission on Appointments give more importance to their personal agenda and the vested interest of mining firms in the guise of technicalities and legalities. They disregarded the more important aspects of the ecological hazards now endangering our lives as we near the tipping point.

Super Typhoon Haiyan Aftermath

Scene of devastation after the unprecedented ‘super storm ‘ Yolanda that hit Tacloban in Leyte. (credits to photo owner)

Our nation that we love so much is now grieving,

For the humiliation of our women , our struggling and defenseless single , female parents who are perceived as just being ‘knocked up’, seemingly just like those female dogs on the streets. That’s the debasing perception of a Senator who speaks in haughtiness as he prides himself with all the power and authority vested upon him by the people he is supposed to serve with humility, integrity and utmost respect.

sotto

(photo: abs-cbn news /online)

We are not watching the slow death of our national values being corrupted not only by external influences thru social media, but by errant leaders who are devoid of good breeding and manners

We are now witnessing the victory of corruption, greed, apathy, selfishness and deceit..

While we stand in silence , or choose to stay at the backseat, or sit on the fence, we leave our next generation- our children– to confusion.,

There they are, watching us muted in a corner. What do we do next? How do we fight for our right to live decently? How do we save our environment from abuses?

Why are we standing in silence? Are we helpless lambs being discreetly dragged to the slaughterhouse, in subservience, with our consent?

Are we trying to repeat our nation’s history of being lorded over by the corrupt and the abusive?

Our ancestors shed their blood to save our country and bestowed us our freedom . They were and are heroes !

How should our children consider us then? Should we just keep our silence and as the dawn breaks tomorrow, forget these all happened today?

Then, this nation we love has a good  reason for grieving!

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(photo by Malu E.Gacuma, 2016)

 

 

‘SHOTGUN MARRIAGE: A Myth Born Out of Some Men’s Alibi’ ( by Malu E.Gacuma, April 9,2017 Saturday @ 11:00 am)

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I remember having met a couple in Iloilo City before, in the mid-’90s, where the husband was dashing and handsome in his 40s,while the wife was the opposite in physiological terms, not to mention that she was more than 10 years his senior.

Not for anything but the woman showed a very possessive, nagging and inconsiderate attitude towards her good-natured husband. At one point of our meeting, this husband confided that he was only forced to marry his wife when, out of a drunken stupor, he bedded her and became the first man who did.She told her parents and this led to their ‘untimely’ marriage.I heard these lines too often.

Shotgun Marriage. That’s how our culture terms it. In this odd scenario, it is always believed that the woman ends up hugging victory! She got the man she wanted or she is obsessed with! Forget how.Just think she did,at all cost!

By those two words, one’s imagination would play up seeing a trembling man beside his grinning wife as they wed, and behind them is a father-in-law with a double-barrelled shotgun pointed at the guy! One false move and the unwilling groom wouldn’t make it to the door!

During my media days with DYWB Bombo Radyo Bacolod, in a program I had anchored (a 5-hour-program then called ‘Good Morning,Philippines’,) this topic had been raised. During the last 15-minute part of the program’s Interview portion, I struck the question “Nagapati bala kamo nga may Shotgun Marriage okon wala?  (“Do you believe that Shotgun Marriage exists or not?”) It was so amusing how the influx of calls came from men,all amenable and always with a regretful tone! “Ginpilit lang ako!” (“I was just forced into it!“)- the ruing gentlemen lamented on the phone.

Marriage is a choice and a major decision in anyone’s life. When confronted by a question whether he wants to get married or not, a sensible man needs to choose between two answers: yes or no.There  is no gray area compelling him to say ‘Yes,but..” .Remember, it is a choice. We all have freedom of choices.

For a man to profess that he was just forced into the marriage ,well, that’s the lamest alibi that can exist ! (Strike 1.)

Worst, their declaration is always preceded by another common alibi:” I was drunk and accidentally bedded her!” (Strike 2.)

Failure to make the right choice often leads to that need for an alibi, to justify the failure done ( whether wittingly or unwittingly).

Ergo, ‘shotgun marriage‘ was born out of collective alibi of men who refuse to admit they failed to make the right choice of their wives. It paints a picture of a woman as a scheming villainess who is out to build her coven with an unwilling husband as her first prey. It paints another picture of that unwilling husband as a submissive man bound for eternal martyrdom.( Let her be damned? Blessed he be? )

I always have high respect for the moral hierarchy of a man in a family structure that is brick-layed by a sacred and God-centered marriage. I’m talking about a man who is embodied with character values making him worthy to be vested with his ‘Pillar of the Home’ title.

It is the worst alibi of weak men who made a mistake, refused to accept that mistake and choose to live a lie for the rest of their lives, blaming it on their wives rather than repairing themselves.

Personally, I do not believe in ‘shotgun marriage’ or anything close to its definition.With all the aforementioned, I have all the sensible reasons NOT to believe.

Without any shotgun behind you, would you?

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Credits to photo owner

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‘Lum-Lum-Poy’ Mystery – by Malu E. Gacuma (April 25,2017 @ 10:20 pm)

Speaking English at home was a cardinal rule stemming from my paternal grandfather who wanted to mark it as his legacy to our clan.

Not only the house helpers were caught in this rule. Even his own party guests became obliged to speak English, especially  when we, children, were around.

One such guest was a close friend of my grandmother . Lady M. was  a lumber yard owner whose rags-to-riches story was locally known.And she talked highly of herself,too! ☺️

During Lolo’s birthday party, Lady M. enjoyed her bragging rights to the fullest, in broken English. When it was time for her to go home, she asked my grandmother to let her take home some of the dishes she loved! She would always remind my grandmother or my Uncles or Dad to have the food wrapped with what she insistingly called   as ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’.

party

Some of those parties held at the house of my paternal grandfather in Fabrica, Sagay City,Negros Occidental.Philippines.  Lady M.’s husband was  among the gentlemen  at the top photo.

When party ended, she went to the kitchen and asked for her ‘food-to-go‘. So, my Lola gave her some in plastic containers. She protested and wanted these in ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’ again!

My Dad intervened and asked Lady M. to point at what she meant.🤔

Lady M. scoffed at my Dad ,and with a curt remark she said:
“Ay, Doctor ka, you do not know ‘Lum-Lum-Poy’?

She pointed at the kitchen pantry, at the shimmering,silver thing marked ‘Reynolds Wrap’!

Lady M. meant ‘Aluminum Foil’ !.

The ‘Lum-Lum-Poy Mystery’ was finally solved!

aluminum foil

A Reynold’s Wrap aluminum foil  (Credits to photo owner).

‘Lifeglass’ by Malu E. Gacuma (written on October 30,2014)

“Meditation is the soul’s perspective glass.”

~(Owen Feltham)~

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We are often living our lives as if we’re trapped in a glass cocoon; that while we see the world beyond where we are, and allow ourselves to be seen in return , it is only to a certain extent.

Inside our lifeglass is either the best or worst of who we are that we can show the world. Insodoing, we must be prepared to risk  being eventually accepted or not.

Only acceptance can break the glass and set us free.

And that seems to scare us even more.
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Note: (Glass Sculptures by Andy Paiko.Credits to photo owner. )